The Flipside of WiP
by araeo
Summary: Just what you think it is. Select chapters of Work in Progress from Edward's point of view. AU/AH. Rated M for Sex Hair, dirty words, and excessive use of the Tractor Beam.
1. Chapter 1: It's NOT Sex Hair

_I don't own Twilight. We all know this._

_So... here it is. The much-requested glimpse into Edward's head. The big one. The one that holds his brain, you pervs. _

_This will not be a chapter-by-chapter retelling of WiP. Only a few will get the E-treatment. _

_Thank you Shelly/Isabella303, for being beta extraordinaire and an awesome drinking buddy. She beats me at air hockey, buys me Irish Car Bombs, and encourages me to make obscene gestures at huge plastic cows._

_This chapter is for Echoingsilence/EchoesOfTwilight, because she practically beat WiPward out of me and wrote the last line of this chapter for me. Happy birthday! _

_To Lovin' the Handsome Hobo: Even though I suck at review replies, you're still my negative L._

* * *

**1: It's _Not_ Sex Hair**

"C'mon, Edward! Get your sissy ass out of that granny car and let's _go_! I'm _starving!_" Emmett whined. I sighed heavily and resisted the impulse to roll my eyes. _Patience_, I reminded myself. _They're your family. You owe them…_

I stepped out of the car, looking woefully at Alice, Jasper and Rose, as they emerged from the back seat. I shot a glance at Alice, clearly communicating my feelings. _Why do we put up with this idiot?_ I asked with only a look. She simply shrugged and gave me her mysterious smile, sweeping past me with Jasper in tow. _Am I the only _normal _Cullen sibling? Mom and Dad are in a shitload of trouble if that's the case…_

"Come on, Edward," Rose prodded. "The faster we get in there, the quicker Emmett will quit bugging you."

Rose always _was _reasonable…

"Come on, _ladies_," Emmett taunted, speaking to Rose and me, since Jasper and Alice were already at the double doors leading into the restaurant. "Step away from the grocery-getter, Edward. The meat awaits!"

"Emmett, if I didn't know better, I might be a bit worried about your unnatural love for this Brazilian meat," Rose joked.

"You hush, woman. Don't come between a man and his love for steak," he chided. I simply shook my head, slamming the door to my new car and making my way to the entrance. Once we were all inside, I gave my most persuasive smile to the hostess.

"Cullen, party of five," I said warmly, secretly amused at the blushing, frizzy-haired hostess. It was too easy. I wished, just once, that someone could give my crap right back to me. Women were easy. I could charm them, persuade them, and talk my way out of (or _into_) nearly anything. "We don't have a reservation, but I was hoping you could possibly make an exception for us. You see, my brother just became engaged, and, well… you know." I shrugged as Rose held up her hand, showing off the giant rock Emmett had given her just this evening.

Everything about Emmett was large, from his body to his voice and personality. He was a born clown, the perfect center of attention. It was only natural that he'd give the most ostentatious engagement ring to his equally ostentatiously beautiful fiancée.

"Oh, I'm sure we have space for you tonight, Mr. Cullen," she simpered.

"Thank you… Jessica," I returned, reading her name off the tag prominently displayed over her obviously augmented breast.

"I knew we kept you around for something," Emmett teased, as the hostess led us to our table. I ignored him, fighting the urge to flip him off.

My brother and sister were forever on me to find a woman, girlfriend, significant other. They were all happy, in their own little world of cutesy, affectionate, _sickeningly sweet_ coupledom, and they were determined to drag me along with them… they just didn't understand. I'd dated in the past; not many women had caught my attention in the way I felt someone should if I was to form a meaningful relationship. Nothing had lasted. No one had ever directly said it was because of my Alcoholism, but I was pretty damn sure that was the reason. So I stayed away from forming lasting attachments.

The truth was, I wasn't nearly as attractive on the inside… and I knew it.

Nothing killed conversation faster than, "_Oh, yeah… I forgot to mention it earlier, but I'm an alcoholic. When I was twenty-one, I got fucked up, took my little sister for a joyride in my Dad's car, and wrapped it around a tree. Would you like to go out again sometime?"_

It really wasn't worth it to try anymore. I was resigned to the fact that I might not meet anyone that would accept what I'd done. I held out even less hope that whoever she was would _get_ me, put up with my _occasional_ moodiness. _As long as I'm listing attributes, I'll also add someone that won't bore me after the excitement of a new relationship – and new sex, honestly – wears off._

As I turned back to take my seat, I caught a flash of long, dark hair; shiny bittersweet chocolate with warm hints of red and gold from the overhead lights. I liked chocolate. A lot. The woman was apologizing profusely to a rather irritated gentleman seated in front of her. Her voice was smooth and soft, and even with the tinge of panic, the timbre was just husky enough to make it interesting – to a certain part of me that only found voices interesting when I had a woman naked and underneath me.

_You'd better not be getting up any time soon, Edward. There's really no need to advertise to the whole restaurant how much I like the sound of her voice. Or how much more I'd like it if that voice was in my ear and I could feel the hot breath that went with it as I took her_.

Jesus Christ, I hadn't even seen her face yet!

I could only see her back as she stood next to a nearby table. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as we all took our seats, eager for a glimpse of her face.

"What are you starin' at, Edward?" Jasper asked, elbowing Emmett so he would be able to join in the ridicule that was sure to come.

"Is that a chick?" Emmett said loudly, startling the group at the table next to us, as he noticed where I was staring. I smirked at him and turned my attention back to the woman, watching as she gestured haphazardly with the skewer of meat she was holding, scaring the gentleman at whom she was directing her apologies. He waved her off warily and I finally caught just a glimpse of her face, catching sight of wide, dark eyes and full lips. It was fast and not nearly enough; I wanted to go after her when she disappeared to the other side of the restaurant. But the view of her leaving was nearly as nice.

_It's certainly enough to convince my dick it's right about her voice. _

"She's pretty, Edward," Alice said slyly, drawing my attention away from staring after the Meat Girl. "Maybe she'll come by the table and you can talk to her."

"Yeah, Edward," Emmett began, my least favorite smirk plastered on his lips, "sweet talk her so we'll get more meat." I really hated _any_ smirk if it was on Emmett's face.

"I'm sure they'll feed you enough while you're here. I called ahead to make sure they slaughtered a couple extra cattle today," I snapped.

"He likes her," Jasper said confidently in an exaggerated stage whisper to Emmett, who nodded emphatically as he barked out a laugh.

"Edward, you really ought to talk to Dad about that stick up your ass," Emmett snorted as his laughter died down.

"How original, Emmett," I mumbled as the rest of them laughed – too damn loudly – at his lame joke.

I was thankful when the server arrived and proceeded to explain the service, which consisted of many cuts of meat carved tableside. After placing our drink orders, everyone but Emmett stood up to visit the salad bar. He flipped his disc to green with a flourish.

"I don't have room for lettuce. I'm not a damned rabbit. Bring on the meat!"

After we returned from the salad bar, the topic of conversation shifted to Emmett and Rosalie's wedding plans, and we discussed Rose's thoughts of an August wedding in Maui. I barely listened as Alice complained; pissed off that she'd be denied the chance to make a "big fucking deal," as Emmett would say, out of their wedding.

I tried to inconspicuously keep an eye out for the brunette as we ate. Emmett moaned and sighed at every cut of meat, the disgustingly sexual sounds he was making almost enough to kill my appetite.

I scanned the room for another glimpse of those long, wavy locks, Blocking out Emmett's pornographic meat sounds, I got up, using a visit to the restroom as an excuse to look for the brunette. I made my way through the sea of tables, checking periodically to make sure my overly nosy family wasn't watching me practically stalk a restaurant employee. I wasn't watching where I was going, and I was rewarded with a smack to the face for my stupidity. _I just ran into a fucking door. Very suave, Edward_.

_Fuck, that hurt_. _A lot_. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pinched the bridge of my nose and gritted my teeth against the pain, hoping I wasn't bleeding all over the place. I froze when I heard a voice. _Her_ voice.

"Sir, I am so, _so_ sorry, I didn't see you there…" she trailed off.

My eyes snapped open in time to see her looking up at me. Big, brown eyes with specks of gold at the irises blinked at me in surprise. Brown wasn't even a good description for the warm, deep color of her eyes. It was a color that could only be found in nature, so many earthen shades blending together to create a vivid, beautiful, _living_ effect. Her lips parted slightly as she sucked in a small breath, my gaze drawn to them as I fought the image that sprang to mind. Literally. I tore my eyes from her lips and opened my mouth, hoping my subconscious mental filter was working.

"Maybe you could show me where the restroom is," I stated. _Stated_! Like it was a fucking command.

_She probably thought I was propositioning her! Not that I'd mind if she took me up on it…_

"Huh?" she said, blinking a few times before straightening up and giving her head the tiniest shake. I felt a smile begin to tug at the corner of my lips as I startled her from her thoughts. I wondered if she felt the same insane attraction. I let my hand drop from my nose, satisfied I wasn't bleeding, and tried to sound less sleazy when I repeated my request.

"Can you show me where the restroom is?" I asked this time, letting the smile free, sounding much less like I wanted to take her back to the bathroom, to pin her against the wall and pull her hips against me while I dug my fingers into that nearly perfect behind…

"Oh, yes!" she stammered, and I instantly felt awful for thinking that way about her. She suddenly looked so young; pink slowly spreading across her cheekbones as she pointed to the restroom, subtly shifting her weight from foot to foot. I wondered if she'd blush like that _everywhere_. _I guess _that_ guilt didn't last long_. "Again, let me apologize. I'll get my manager to see if there's any way I - uh, we can make it up to you."

_Did I imagine that slip? I must be projecting my gutter mind onto her._

"No need," I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose to test the injury. "I think it was my pride injured more than anything else. No harm, no foul." I didn't know what else to say. I was afraid of making even more a fool out of myself. I settled for smiling at her, feeling the awkwardness creep in as neither one of us spoke for a moment.

It was a charged moment, and I wanted to keep talking to her. But she was working, and I had to get back to the table before my family came looking for me and caused me more embarrassment. I noticed the name tag riding just underneath her exposed collarbone. _Bella_… her name was perfect. All soft sounds and written curves… I wanted to see if the thin skin stretched across the delicate bone was as soft as it looked. She was tiny, slight, but perfectly curvy and soft looking… I tried to reel in my wayward thoughts.

"Just be careful, Bella," I said, noticing her blush was beginning to fade. I wanted to see if I could put it back. "We wouldn't want you to really hurt someone with that meat filled weapon you have there." I couldn't keep the grin off my lips when her mouth dropped open slightly at my comment. I decided to leave before I said something even worse. I held her gaze as I walked past, wishing I could spend more time with her.

I looked around the crowded dining room as I made my way back to the table, but I didn't catch sight of her.

"What took you so long, Edward?" Jasper asked slyly, leaning back in his seat.

Emmett, in contrast, leaned forward over the mountain of meat gracing his plate, planting his elbows on the table.

"Did you fall in? he joked. Jasper snickered behind his napkin.

"I got lost," I deadpanned, shrugging. Alice gasped and my eyes shot to her as she winked at Rose.

"I bet he was talking to that waitress," she said, grinning rather proudly at the rest of the table. I didn't know why she was so smug. It wasn't like she'd introduced us.

"Did you get her number, Edward?" Rose asked, trying to steal a piece of meat from Emmett's plate. He slapped her hand, knocking the slice from her tongs. It landed on the tablecloth with a splat. Emmett immediately picked it up with his fingers and shoved it in his mouth, all of us staring at him in disgust.

"What?" he said when he finished chewing. "That was the _picanha_! You don't waste the _picanha_.

I held up my hands in acknowledgement. He _was_ right.

"We've got to come here more often – like every week!" Emmett exclaimed. "Seriously, this is heaven. I just turn over this disc, and people keep bringing me meat– " he paused in amazement "–_all the meat in the world _– and they can't kick me out. Sweet! It could only be better if the dudes bringing me the meat were actually chicks in bikinis..."

The others and I laughed as Rose smacked him on the back of the head, but he was unfazed. He'd always had a hard head.

"Emmett, you can't keep eating all night. Remember when we brought you here for your birthday and you had to wear your 'Thanksgiving Pants' for three days? You kept complaining about having the 'meat sweats' and Rose swears your hair smelled like steak for a month afterward," I said.

"Screw the 'meat sweats,' this is worth it," he mumbled around his mouthful of half-chewed steak. Sometimes he had the manners of a gorilla. I started to keep goading him, but then I noticed her – _Bella_ – walking up behind him. She hadn't seen me yet, as she was distracted by Emmett's not-so-inside voice. I felt it again, that excitement, the charge, when she finally met my eyes for a second, unable to hide the slight widening of her beautiful eyes as she recognized me. I let my lips curve up at the sight of her as she quickly looked at everyone else, avoiding making eye contact with me again. I wanted her undivided attention, but she spoke before I could think of a way to get it.

"Excuse me, Ladies, would you like to try some Brazilian sausage?" she asked, holding up the large knife staked with meat. Never one to let grass grow under his feet, Emmett barged ahead like Borat in an antique shop.

_I'm spending too much time with Emmett. Now I'm comparing him to a fake, anti-Semitic Kazakh journalist who is played by an actor that is actually a British Jew. I can nearly smell the irony. Unless Emmett has indigestion already… and that's fucking disgusting._

"I'll take yours, Rose. You know you don't need any Brazilian sausage when you can have mine anytime you want." He leered at Rose as he said it, earning himself another slap.

The others laughed, but I still couldn't take my eyes off of Bella.

"No, thank you," Alice said. I could see her out of the corner of my eye, her smug smile still gracing her lips as she conspicuously looked between Bella's face and mine. Rosalie shook her head, giving Emmett the _Your Balls are in Serious Danger _Death Glare. I was glad I wasn't looking directly at her. Parts of my body tried to retreat into themselves when Rosalie handed out any form of the Death Glare.

"Gentlemen, would you like to try some?" Bella asked, finally meeting my eyes. The deep, rich color drew me in, wrapping tendrils of static-like charge around my body, tying me to her across the short distance.

Of course, the spell was broken when Emmett was the first to speak up again. "Those two don't want any," he said, pointing at Jasper and me. "I, however, am very confident in my sexuality and have no problem eating gigantic amounts of sausage." He grabbed the sausage from her, startling her as he slid it onto his plate and slapped the empty skewer back into her hand. She looked so confused, the pink tinge once again staining her cheeks. I chuckled as Emmett tossed a whole sausage into his mouth and her eyebrows shot up nearly into her hairline.

She bit her lip, likely to keep from making a rude observation about my brother's eating habits. I tensed, watching as her teeth dented the soft flesh. _I_ wanted to do the same thing. Repeatedly.

"Well," she began, her voice slightly hoarse, "Excuse me please; enjoy the rest of your dinner." I couldn't just let her leave without attempting to get her to come back to our table. I had no idea why I kept doing this to myself. I obviously made her nervous, but I couldn't seem to stop trying to engage her.

"Wait! Miss –"

"Yes, what can I do t-for you?" _That was _definitely_ a slip!_

"Can I request more of the _picanha_? It was wonderful," I said lamely. I couldn't hold back my smirk, but it was directed more at myself for my idiotic attempt at flirtation.

"Um, sure. I'll see what I can do about that," she said, her voice pitched a little higher. She flashed a quick but breathtaking smile at me before she turned and hurried off. I kept staring after she was long gone. Her smile had transformed her whole face, achieving the impossible and making her even more beautiful. I noticed the table had fallen silent and four pairs of speculative eyes were trained right on me. I cleared my throat uncomfortably and shoved a chunk of steak in my mouth so I wouldn't have to speak.

"You _are_ gonna get her number, aren't you?" Jasper prodded. I pointed to my full mouth, obviously indicating that I wouldn't be able to answer for some time. I didn't eat like a fucking gorilla, unlike someone else at the table.

Emmett snorted. "Whatever, E. At least you asked for the good shit. If you wanna be a pussy and let the little Gaucho girl slip away, go ahead. I'm so damn disappointed in you," he sighed, shaking his head. "I don't get it. You can tell if someone needs a bone marrow transplant, but you can't close the deal with a chick."

"Shut it, Emmett," I warned.

"Leave him alone, guys," Alice commanded. "He'll do it." She fucking winked at me. _How the hell did she know what I was going to do, even when I hadn't decided?_

A new Gaucho came by with fresh _picanha_. Bella hadn't come back. Disappointment flashed through me as I watched Emmett beg for the entire skewer. _What if she didn't come back?_ I sighed, trying not to let my disappointment show, as an Asian woman of average height came up to our table. She was attractive, in a wholesome way, with her delicate glasses perched upon her small nose. But she wasn't the woman I wanted to see.

"How is everything this evening? My name is Angela; I'm the manager on duty," she said. "I hear there was an accident tonight." She looked at me closely as she made her way around the table, causing me to reflexively rub my nose.

"What accident?" Alice asked. "You didn't tell us about any accident." She grinned at me. No worry or concern for her brother, just enjoyment that I might have been injured. I tried to be irritated, but I couldn't blame her. It was how my crazy family showed affection.

"I ran into the kitchen door when Bella was coming out to serve," I mumbled.

"Who's Bella?" Jasper teased, winking at Alice, whose grin was growing wider by the second.

"I bet it's the waitress, the Gaucho," Alice said excitedly. "And just how do you know her name, Edward?" I fought the urge to roll my eyes; instead, I shoved my fingers through my hair before answering.

"It was right there on her name tag," I explained, my tone conveying that I thought they were all giant morons for not noticing.

"I knew she had to be talking about you the minute I saw that hair," Angela chuckled. I yanked my hand out of my hair self-consciously as she watched me. "It's definitely sex hair." The rest of the table broke out in raucous laughter. I couldn't help the way my hair looked; it did what it wanted. Heat prickled my cheeks and neck, bringing a flush to my face. _She called me 'Sex Hair'? That's a good thing, right?_

"Can't be 'Sex Hair,'" Emmett chortled. "That implies our boy here gets some on a regular basis." He guffawed at his own joke and then suddenly grimaced as he grabbed his stomach in pain. "No more laughing," he groaned to himself. "It upsets the meat." He leaned forward and the light from above caught the fine mist of sweat beaded on his brow.

"He really _does_ have the meat sweats, Alice. Look." I pointed to Emmett's forehead and laughed, hopefully transferring all the ridicule to my gluttonous brother.

"I do not, Edward. Last time I ate two more plates before I started getting sweaty," he defended. The manager, Angela, was openly staring at him, amazement plain on her face.

"You're not going to kick us out, are you?" Jasper joked. "I promise, I keep trying to turn over his disc, but he always catches me."

"That's because I'm not _done_ yet, you freakin' girl. I think Alice ate more than you!" he shot back.

"No, we're not going to kick anyone out. You eat whatever you want," Angela said with an amused smile on her face, effectively breaking up the brewing insult match. She turned to me. "Are you sure you're all right, sir? What can we do to make this right for you this evening?"

"I promise, I'm fine. No need for reparations."

"You could give him that girl's phone number," Rose suggested flippantly. I scowled at her, my annoyance only mitigated by the fact that she would eventually have to share a confined space with Emmett tonight. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

"Sorry, Sir, but I'm afraid if you want Bella's number, you'll have to get it yourself," she said with a smile and leaned a little closer to me to whisper, "She's working the bar. She wouldn't turn you down."

I didn't even bother to fight the urge to grin this time. _Bella won't turn me down…_

_But… she's a bartender? _I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I wasn't going to let it ruin my chances with this girl. It wasn't likely to work out anyway, but I'd never felt a connection this strong so fast before. I had to give it a shot. Emmett's megaphone-volume voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Can you send some more _picanha _over here?" Emmett wheedled as Angela straightened to leave. "Please? I'm a growing boy." She laughed and nodded as she headed away from our table.

"Jesus Meat-Eating Christ, Emmett. Glutton much?" Jasper laughed.

"Yeah, where's Kevin Spacey when you need him?" I muttered.

"What the hell are you talking about, E?" Emmett asked, polishing off the remaining meat on his plate, as another Gaucho came up to carve more. He busied himself by gripping slice after slice of beef with the tiny tongs. I felt sorry for the poor Gaucho, who was looking like his arm was getting tired from slicing.

"Come on, Emmett. Remember John Doe?" He shook his head. "The serial killer?" He stuffed more steak into his mouth and shook his head again, reminding me of a huge, cannibalistic cow, as he chewed slowly in a circular motion. For fuck's sake, he was still taking slices with one hand as he ate with the other. "From _Seven_? Ring a bell?"

"Oh, yeah!" He exclaimed, swallowing. "The dude that cut off his own fingerprints." Then he realized what Jasper and I were insinuating. "Hey, none of you better kick me in the gut tonight. I'll haunt you forever," he threatened. Finally satisfied with the pile of cow on his plate, he waved the Gaucho away. Alice waved him over to her side as I looked at her questioningly.

"I've got a hollow leg. I _did _eat more than Jasper," Alice bragged, picking up the sliced steak with her tongs.

"She can out drink you all too," Rose said, looking a bit green. "I'm still a little queasy from last weekend when you dragged me out for a little 'girl time,' Alice."

"Oh, come on, Rose! It was just a few drinks!"

I sat back, ever the observer, keeping the small smile plastered on my face as they bantered. I didn't mind them talking about their wild nights at all, but eventually one of them would remember why I never participated (except for designated driver duty) and begin to feel guilty.

"Yeah, Alice! A few drinks at _five different bars_! I still have some absolutely huge healing bruises that I can't remember getting!"

"It probably wasn't a great idea to climb the fence to that pool at three in the morning," Alice conceded.

"Ya think?" Rose snapped. Alice shrugged and laughed.

"It was a heated pool! My feet were cold."

"I like it when Alice gets you drunk, babe," Emmett said, waggling his eyebrows. Rose raised her hand, leaving it poised for a slap. Emmett cowered away and kept his mouth shut.

Smart man.

I was just about to excuse myself when Angela came back, carrying a tray full of drinks.

"On the house, my friends," she announced, passing out glasses to everyone at the table. "This is the house cocktail, the _caipirinha_. It's made with authentic Brazilian rum, or _cachaça_, limes, and a bit of sugar." I kept my hands in my lap as she set the glass in front of me. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't tempted, even after seven years of sobriety. I imagined alcohol would always have some kind of pull over me, but I valued my calm, practical life much more than I craved a drink. Down that road was disaster, and I knew from experience.

I smiled as everyone sampled the cocktail, hoping Angela wouldn't notice I didn't touch mine and question me for not imbibing. I could always give the standard designated driver excuse, but constantly having to give reasons for not drinking was getting old.

"As much as I'd love to tie one on right now," Emmett started, "I have to save all the stomach room possible for my lovelies, here." He gestured to his full plate and shrugged, causing Angela to laugh. Jasper moved Emmett's _caipirinha_ closer to his own plate, and Alice promptly swiped it from him.

"Don't want you having performance issues later tonight," she quipped.

"What about you, short-stuff?" Jasper asked, looking extremely offended at the insult to his manly prowess. She patted him on the cheek gently.

"Honey, did Rose and I not just have a discussion about how well I hold my liquor?" she asked sweetly.

I stood up and grabbed the drink, drawing everyone's attention at my abrupt movement. I simply couldn't wait any more, and taking the drink back was the perfect excuse to speak to her. I didn't even stop to think about why I wanted to see her again so badly; I just did. I wanted to hear her laugh and see her smile again, for more than a fleeting second. I wanted to see her eyes up close again, and maybe I could pick out the dominant color. I wanted to watch her lips form words, the movements fluid and elegant… _and that's where those thoughts have to stop if I'm going to be walking across the restaurant._

"I'm just taking it back, guys." They all looked at me skeptically, even after all these years. They trusted me, for the most part, but even I knew there was no cure for the disease. I didn't fault them for worrying. "Someone want to be my escort?" I sighed, getting a little tired of their staring. No one answered, so I turned and left, making my way to the bar. I glanced at the alcohol in my hand, and the glass almost burned my fingertips. I determinedly ignored the sensation.

As I got closer, I could see her wiping down the shiny wooden surface with a cloth, her back turned to me as I approached. Her body swayed gently with the swirling motion of the cloth; I sighed involuntarily as I thought of coming up behind her, placing my hands on her hips to still her movement as I pressed my lips to her neck…

_Jesus Fucking Christ, Cullen. Tone down the inner porno reel_.

I circled around to the front of the bar, standing directly in front of her.

"Hello," I said, my voice only slightly rough with nerves. I set the glass on the bar in front of me; I didn't want to touch it any more. "I didn't get a chance to introduce myself earlier. My name is Edward Cullen."

"Hi," she managed in a high-pitched voice, sticking out her hand_._ "Bella." I took her hand and held it in mine, not in a traditional handshake, but rather, just holding it in mine. Her hand felt so tiny in mine, the skin soft and smooth. "I really am sorry about earlier. I know one little drink isn't much, but it was made with love," she babbled, her voice returning to what I assumed was normal. I grinned at her words and the way her eyes widened as color leapt to her cheeks. My hand tightened on hers minutely, and I fought the urge to run my thumb over the back of her hand. I loved watching the heat color her cheeks. I decided right there that I'd try to keep it there all the time.

"I think we're way past the handshake, Bella," I told her as I released her hand. I could still feel the sensation of her soft, warm palm against mine. I pressed my hand into the denim at my thigh to hold in her warmth. "I think when you've nearly smashed someone's nose into their brain, you can skip the formalities." She visibly paled, her eyebrows shooting upward in panic. She looked genuinely worried about me.

I liked it.

"What? I thought you said you were okay! I'm so, so sorry –"

"No, no I'm fine," I interrupted, feeling a little bit guilty now. I smiled at her, enjoying the way she relaxed in response. "It's just so fun to tease you – I get such a nice reaction. I haven't been able to make my little sister blush like that since we were thirteen or fourteen," I chuckled. I looked down for a second as she wrung her hands together, catching sight of the drink in front of me. The last thing I needed to see while I was talking to this beautiful woman was a reminder of just how much I didn't deserve someone like her. I sucked in a breath and forged ahead, determined to forget my pessimistic thoughts.

"I just wanted to thank you for the drinks. My friends are really enjoying them. Although Emmett – that's the big eater – refuses to drink it because that would be taking stomach space away from the meat." She gave a cute little laugh at my comment, showing me her amazing smile. She leaned on the bar, bracing her hands on the shiny wood. I set my hands on the bar after I pulled up a low-backed stool, my fingers inches from hers. I wanted to brush my fingers across hers and watch the color fill her cheeks.

"You're very welcome. It's the least I could do, considering I almost broke your nose," she laughed. "So, are you and your friends here celebrating anything special? If you'd like to embarrass one of them, I can get the Gauchos to sing." She started to wipe down the bar again nervously as I laughed, picking up the drink and setting it perfectly centered on a cocktail napkin.

"Actually, we're here celebrating an engagement. Emmett, my brother, and Rosalie, the blonde. And _nothing _embarrasses Emmett. He'd probably join in, with his own very dirty lyrics," I said, picking up a spare napkin and trying not to mangle it in front of her. At least she laughed at my lame jokes. That was something. She seemed to be pulling the words out of me, but I had no idea what she thought of them. I didn't like the feeling.

"That's probably not a very good idea then. Some of the Gauchos don't know English very well and would probably think it was just a new version they were supposed to sing." A server came up with a drink order as she finished and she turned to take the slip of paper. "Excuse me for a moment, Edward."

"Of course," I said, watching as she turned to fill the order. Quickly pulling a pen from the cup at the backstop of the bar, I scribbled my number on the cocktail napkin that held my drink. I smirked as I signed it with the nickname she'd given me.

_Way to be a pussy and put the ball in her court, moron. You don't even have the guts to ask for her number? _

_She'll call… and if she doesn't, I'll just come back here and harass her until she does…_

When I finished, I quietly put the pen back into the cup, watching her as she worked. I let my eyes trail down from the shiny dark hair held back at the nape of her slender neck, taking in the slope of her shoulders and the gentle arc of her waist.

My eyes drifted down past her hips and didn't move any further as she bent over to toss something in the trash. The black fabric of her pants stretched tautly over the rounded curves of her ass and my mouth watered a little bit. She turned quickly and I gulped, knowing she'd caught me looking. I was a bit embarrassed at being caught while ogling her behind, but at least now she'd know I was interested in her. If she hadn't caught on already… _Damn it! Why am I suddenly second-guessing myself?_ I'd forgotten how hard it was to talk to women when I actually cared what they thought of me. I realized I'd been staring at her like an idiot for a few seconds, so I pasted my disarming smile on my face and leaned forward on the bar, propping my chin in my hand.

"So what do you do when you're not bar tending or smashing poor unsuspecting men with doors?" I teased her, earning an adorable scowl before she rolled her eyes at me. I was a sick, sick man if I enjoyed being scowled at.

I began to wonder if I'd enjoy _any_ expression, as long as it was on Bella's face. Then I started thinking of the expressions I'd _love_ to see on her face… expressions I'd love to put there. Her eyes closed in bliss, lips shiny and pink after I kissed her; her deep eyes bright and gleaming with genuine, uncontrollable laughter.

Her eyes half closed, staring up at me, her lip caught between her teeth as I fucked her…

_And the porno in my head is back. She'd run away screaming if she knew how I was picturing her. _I noticed she'd begun to speak and I focused my attention on her and away from my pornographic thoughts.

"… graduate student at U of W here in Seattle. I actually just took my last final today. My degree will be in English Literature. I want to be a writer, but most everyone I know seems to think that it might not pay the bills. So here I am, slaving away making drinks every night." I laughed as her shoulders slumped dramatically, huffing out a heavy sigh before continuing. "What about you, what do you do, when you're not being assaulted by clumsy restaurant staff and watching as your friends consume ungodly amounts of meat?"

I told her about the residency I'd just finished, and my decision to specialize in Hem/Onc. I'd just accepted a fellowship at UWMC and would begin working in-depth in the BMT unit. I was surprised at her perceptiveness – she understood how I felt about my career. I knew it was probably somewhat less than PC to care, but I was proud that she found my job impressive.

I watched her carefully as we spoke, cataloging as much about her as I could. She had a little habit of reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear, as though she usually wore her hair down and did it often. I found myself nearly hanging on her every word, trying my hardest not to look like a complete creeper or a stupid seventeen year-old. _Never mind that other parts of me are pretty disappointed that I won't give in to their adolescent tendencies around Bella._

It was then I noticed she was dressed differently than the other employees. The low V of her black sweater reached just between her breasts, but she wore a white shirt with a higher neckline underneath. Alice would have had a special name for it. I didn't care. While the sweater alone would have been unbelievable, she was even more appealing with her modesty. I appreciated the fact that she left something to the imagination, that she gave me the opportunity to observe and infer.

She had the most beautiful smile, eyes, hair… among other things. I didn't want to ever leave the restaurant as long as she was there, and I found myself dreading the moment my siblings and their better halves would come up to the bar to get me.

I was, at root, a scientist. I _loved_ to observe; especially when I was observing someone as… appealing as Bella. She drew me in without effort and made me laugh (in spite of the 'Door Incident'). _How did I get so lucky?_

That was the thought that gave me pause. I didn't really consider myself to have a right to be lucky. She seemed to notice my shift in mood right away, making a joke to distract me. She gave me backhanded compliments, like her cheeky comment on my physical appeal to gay men.

It was something my family always did for me when they noticed my moods. They either made jokes or told me baldly to snap the fuck out of it. The latter method was a favorite of Emmett's. Again, the thought of luck came to mind, and I didn't question it this time. I wanted Bella to know I was interested. I tried to ignore the awful Rod Stewart song that ran through my head.

"Why, Bella, are you trying to say you find me attractive? And to think, you almost maimed me today."

_Oh, Fuck. Did I just wink at her? Who am I, some kind of frat-boy douche bag with three popped collars? Wait a minute; it looks like she _liked_ that…_

"No, I'm saying your delirious, drugged and sick patients find you attractive," she retorted, softening her words with a smile.

"You wound me," I groaned, leaning back in my seat like I'd been shot. _Hello? Cullen? 1815 Regency London called; it wants its witty banter back. _

_Wait; she likes that, too? I'm not even at the top of my game and she looks interested. _

"Sorry, I call 'em like I see 'em. Someone with your looks needs to be taken down a peg every once in a while," she said, her tone matter-of-fact, reminding me of a prissy school teacher. I had to restrain my thoughts from taking a swan dive into the gutter before I could speak again.

"Careful, Bella. Any more of those backhanded compliments and I might actually think you really do find me attractive." We grinned stupidly at one another, until I noticed her gaze shift to just beyond my shoulder. I knew my family was coming up behind me. I was almost pissed at them for not taking any longer. Surely, Emmett had room for one more plate of food.

I knew Emmett was coming first, because I could see the liquid in my glass vibrate with his footsteps. I could _feel_ the embarrassment approaching. It was almost like the scene in _Jurassic Park_ where the _T. rex_ is coming, but you can't see it. You just know it's coming, because the water in the damn glass is shaking.

"E, man, we gotta get going. I need my stretchy pants! Let's roll!" he said loudly, coming up so close my eardrums cringed in pain. "Hey, Gaucho Girl, whatcha doing behind the bar?" he asked, giving her his trademark dimples.

I felt a stab of jealousy when she laughed at his comment, even though I knew he was just being friendly. I wanted to be the only one to make her laugh like that.

"Actually, I'm the bartender here. I was just helping out because we were short a couple Gauchos tonight," she explained.

I sighed and stood up, raking my hand through my hair. I couldn't help but notice that Bella's eyes followed my every move. I continued to watch her as well, until I couldn't ignore my family any more.

I made the introductions and hoped my family would behave. I was sure she already thought we were a weird bunch. I had enough things against me without adding in my siblings and their annoying qualities.

Alice gave a little wave as she wobbled slightly, using Jasper as a stabilizer. "Thanks for those drinks, Bella. Very tasty," she said with a grin.

_It looks like Alice's hollow leg has reached its capacity. Those must have been some strong drinks_. Good thing I hadn't known about _cachaça_ back when I was drinking. I might have ended up in a ditch somewhere south of Tiujana as a teenager.

"Yes, thanks for those drinks, it makes it that much easier for us to take advantage of our women," Emmett had no sense of self-preservation. I saw Rosalie's face form the beginnings of an epic Death Glare.

"Just ignore him, that's what I do," I said, elbowing Emmett in the gut. He backed off just in time and I only glanced off him. That was probably for the best, because I didn't want him to vomit all over the newly cleaned bar.

"Hey, watch it, there's precious cargo in there!" he shouted. "I hate to pull you away from your precious moments here, but I've got to get on a plane early tomorrow morning. And you all know that Rosie ain't happy if she doesn't get some good lovin' before we go to bed." Rosalie's Death Glare was in full fury as she whipped her hand out at light speed and smacked him, her hand already returned to the starting position before Emmett could even yelp.

"I need bleach for my ears," Alice growled under her breath. I shuddered at the mental image Emmett's comment invoked. _Can I be next in line for that bleach, please?_ I barely paid attention to them as Alice made some kind of excuse to leave us alone for a few more minutes.

_Did I mention that Alice is my favorite sibling, despite her dictator tendencies and creepy intuition?_

"It was nice running into you, Bella." _Jesus glue-sniffing Christ! How original. I need to take this act on the road so I can be pelted with rotting vegetables._

"Ha ha. It was nice to meet you, too. Maybe I'll see you here again sometime?" she asked.

_God, I hope so. Call me. Tonight. _

"I think you might," I said, grinning stupidly at her. "I guess I'd better get them home. They'll kill me if we're still in the car when Emmett starts digesting all that meat."

_Nice. Make another crude fart joke, why don't you? That always brings the women running, asshole_.

"Ugh. Thanks for that, Edward. I might have nightmares tonight." She made a face, trying not to laugh at my crude joke. I appreciated her sense of humor even more every second I spent with her.

"We wouldn't want that. Forget I said anything. You can remember smashing me in the face with that door if it helps."

"Oh, yes, that's much more pleasant," she joked. I hoped she was joking, anyway. I figured I'd really better get going, before I said something so embarrassing she'd throw my number away without thinking twice.

"Sweet dreams, Bella. I'll see you around," I said, hoping to God it was true. I didn't want to just leave. I wanted to pull her to me over the bar and kiss the daylights out of her. Hell, I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and take her back to my bed, relatives be damned. They could walk home. They needed to burn off the calories.

I could think of a much better way to get exercise…

"Bye," she whispered, raising her hand in a little wave. I slowly turned and made my way to the exit, feeling like I was walking through soft sand the whole way.

_Damn it, I should have gotten her number. What if she doesn't call? _

As much as I told myself I'd leave her alone if she didn't, told myself I should leave her alone anyway, I knew I wouldn't. I'd be back. I'd sit at that bar in front of her until she agreed to give me a shot.

For the first time in my life, I had a healthy reason to sit in front of a bar.

* * *

_A/N: Disappointed that "The Boys" don't talk? He's pervy enough on his own, don't you think? Two nutbags does not a sane person make... _

_Let me know if you liked it. If you've got any requests for chapters you'd like to see, let me know that too._

_Thanks for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2 The Tale of the Napkin 20

_**For rms33, who was kind enough to bid $170 for my skillz during the Support Stacie Auction. Thank you so, so much. I'm happy we could do something for such a wonderful cause. **_

_**Thanks, as usual, to my girls EchoesOfTwilight and AmeryMarie for pre-reading and cattle-prodding.**_

_**I don't own Twilight, but I do own the Girls and The Precious. **_

* * *

**Chapter 21, EPOV: The Tale of The Napkin 2.0**

What the fuck had happened to my ability to make a smart decision regarding my personal life? For the second time today, I cursed myself and my stupidity. First, I'd royally pissed off Bella by throwing away her napkin, which – now that I'd stopped to think of it from her point of view – was up near the top of the list of "Most Clueless Guy Moments in History."

I should have known women kept things like that; Alice had more than one memory book full of reminders of her relationship with Jasper. I just wasn't wired that way. I kept Bella with me in my mind at all times. It was hard _not_ to think about her. I kept my mementos filed away in memories and a playlist on my iPod. Sure, they weren't tangible, but they were no less meaningful than the napkin had been to her. I could pull them out at will and be calmed by just the thought of her: her contagious laughter and biting sarcasm, the glitter in her deep brown eyes when she poked fun at me or my habits. Just a few moments with Bella could erase the stress of a full rotation at work, or the uneasy, heavy weight that tried to overwhelm me when I'd had days full of giving patients bad news.

Fuck, I loved her. I had ever since that morning at the bakery, when I'd told her the truth of my past. But had I told her? Of course not, because I was too much of a pessimistic chickenshit to lay it out there… at least, not while she was coherent. Telling her when she was passed out in a Tylenol PM haze did _not_ count.

Part of me still believed she was too good for me, and the last thing I wanted was to drag her down into the cesspool I walked the tightrope over every single day. The mean little whispers that I'd spent years of therapy trying to silence occasionally fought their way through, telling me that I was reaching far too high.

That was fine; it was to be expected, and I had the tools to deal with it.

It wasn't the only reason I hadn't told her. I didn't want to scare her off. I'd almost said it a few times when my guard was down, which was usually during moments that didn't lend themselves to a believable first-time declaration of love. I didn't want to be _that_ guy, the one who indiscriminately says "I love you" after or during sex.

But apparently, I _was_ the type of guy who fell in love with a woman after knowing her for just under a couple weeks. After one amazing night, a disastrous morning that included a bong, a gun, and a fucking fire, no less.

When I thought about it that way, I was certifiable.

I might have been crazy, but I was happier than I could ever remember being, even before my mother had died. Familiar guilt tried to sneak in at that thought, but I knew it was illogical. Elizabeth would have loved Bella, and I knew that somewhere, she was ecstatic that I'd found the one person on earth who fit me perfectly.

Of course, I'd managed to fuck it up. I just hoped I could fix it…which led me to my current predicament.

The second dumbass mistake I'd made today was asking Emmett for his opinion on the situation. That was how I ended up walking the nearly deserted aisles of the grocery store as I pushed the cart and Emmett threw in random shit. I surveyed the contents of the cart, baffled at what Emmett believed were "the necessities."

There were fucking bubbles in the cart. And a mini Super-Soaker. Currently, we were standing in the cereal aisle as Emmett debated between plain Cap'n Crunch and the version with Crunchberries like it was a damn life or death decision. Like it mattered anyway. Plain Cap'n Crunch always won for me, even though it turned the roof of my mouth into a minefield of cuts and scrapes. I grabbed the box out of his hands and threw it in the cart.

"Emmett, when did this outing turn into me buying your groceries? We came here to shop for _me,_" I groused.

"We _are_ shopping for you," he said, ripping into a box of cherry Pop-Tarts and devouring half a pastry in one bite.

"What the hell are you doing, Emmett? You can't just start eating shit right in the middle of the store!"

"Why not?" he mumbled, crumbs falling from his mouth as he spoke. I shook my head and sighed. "I'm hungry. It's gonna be ours in a few minutes anyway."

"I don't even eat most of this stuff. And I certainly don't need bubbles and a Super-Soaker," I muttered.

"But I eat it," he said matter-of-factly. "And you never know when bubbles and a water gun are going to come in handy." He waggled his eyebrows. I tried not to gag – I knew there was some kind of sexual reference there, but I refused to think too hard on it when my brother and Rose were involved.

"Last I checked, you're not my roommate, Emmett," I said flatly.

"Well, I need some munchies for when I come over to your place," he reasoned.

"Are you even allowed to eat Pop-Tarts? Aren't you supposed to be following a diet plan while you're wrestling?" He scowled at me before popping the other half into his mouth.

"No, I'm not 'supposed' to eat that stuff." I nearly snorted when he used air quotes and rolled his eyes. "Rose would kick my ass if she knew." He shivered as he said it. He was right to be worried. Rose would have him by the balls if she knew what he was doing, but I wasn't about to rat my brother out…unless he did something to really piss me off. Then he was fair game. "That's why it's all gonna stay at your place." He said it like the statement was obviously reasonable.

I sighed and pushed the cart to the next aisle. Such was life with Emmett Cullen. I'd learned long ago not to try and logically decipher his method of reasoning. Emmett's brain was like String Theory: so fucking simple and straightforward it was impossibly complicated.

I grabbed some of Bella's favorite spaghetti sauce. _Wow, Cullen. That's pretty optimistic. Or maybe if she doesn't forgive you, you can be all mopey and moon over a jar of fucking pasta sauce for months._

Emmett was halfway up the aisle, staring at the pre-made pizza crusts he held in his hands.

"Step away from the simple carbohydrates," I warned. "Think meat."

He tossed them into the cart anyway.

"Speaking of meat, what the hell did you do to Bella to piss her off? You better not have screwed with my meat connection or I'm going to introduce you to my little friend called the Boston Crab, right fucking here, man."

At the mere mention of submission holds, my mind went straight to the gutter – the night when Bella had (quite literally) blown me away in the roof garden. _God, the things I'd done to her after I'd gotten her into my bed…_ That's all it took before I noticed I was developing a _situation_ in my loose scrubs. Not a good thing when you're buying groceries with your professional wrestler brother. People would start to get ideas.

I forcibly filled my head with repulsive images: Will Ferrell hosting Janet Reno's Dance Party…Jim Carrey dressed as Vera DeMilo and that God-awful horse laugh…

_Situation averted rather nicely_.

"I threw away her napkin," I mumbled, poking at the array of pizza sauces on the shelf.

"You threw away her napkin," he repeated, looking puzzled. "Shouldn't she be glad you're helping clean the place up?"

I once again lamented my choice of confidante for this issue.

"No, it was…some kind of keepsake. It was the napkin I left her at the bar the first night we met."

His eyebrows shot up into his hairline. "Dude, you're _so_ fucked. What the hell did you do that for?"

"I didn't know what it was!" I whispered harshly, looking around to make sure no one else was in the aisle to witness my humiliation. Emmett laughed loudly, pointing at me.

"So fucked," he said again, pressing one hand to his stomach and gasping for air.

"I know," I said vehemently, getting extremely frustrated with the direction this conversation was taking. "I need to fix this." I took a deep breath and scrubbed my hands over my face to try and clear my mind. "Emmett, I love her."

"No fucking shit, man. 'Bout time you realized it," he laughed. "The rest of us have known since you brought her home for Gyros."

I closed my eyes, resisting the urge to roll my eyes and stomp off like a teenage girl. "I've known for a while," I admitted, still not looking at him. I heard plastic crackle as something else likely full of bad carbohydrates and processed sugars landed in the cart.

"Just man up and admit it, E. I guarantee that will mend any fucked up fences between your _properties_, if you know what I mean." He rubbed his hands together and grinned suggestively before smacking me on the shoulder. "Of course, she'll still bring up that napkin shit whenever you have a fight, because women love to throw all your past wrongs back in your face. Rose still won't let me live down that time I got piss-ass drunk and peed in her underwear drawer…" he trailed off, a scowl on his face.

I tried to fight back the bitter thoughts that came with Emmett mentioning blackout drunkenness so casually. _He's lucky that was the worst thing he's done while drunk…_

I shook my head and sighed deeply, trying my hardest to acknowledge the thought, and then let it float away. I knew he didn't mean anything by his statement.

Although I wondered…Bella wouldn't bring up my past and the accident, would she?

No…she'd never do that. She was the one who'd done what thousands of dollars of therapy hadn't: she'd helped me to realize that although I had made mistakes, as a _man_ I was worth more than the sum of my misdeeds. Most of me was beginning to realize that someone as lovely and smart as Bella wouldn't waste her time with an asshole…so there must have been something redeemable about me.

_Right?_

Fuck, I hoped so.

"Edward!" Emmett whispered, without really whispering at all. "We gotta move. This area's about to become a biohazard." His features scrunched up and I knew _exactly_ what that face meant.

It meant Emmett's inner twelve year-old was coming out and gas was building up in his intestines.

"You are so Goddamn rude," I muttered as we made our way towards the end-cap, passing an evening stocker who was busily facing the cans on the shelves.

He snickered as we made our way down the next aisle, pausing to give me a smug look as he tossed in a can of baked beans.

"You sure about those, Emmett? I don't think you need any more fuel for your pilot light." I smirked at him, causing him to snort and pat his belly.

"Silent but deadly…I totally crop-dusted that dude," he chortled. "Wonder how many more I could get away with?"

I let him lead me throughout the store as I thought of ways to make up my transgressions. Who knows how many poor, unsuspecting grocery store employees were subjected to the wrath of Emmett's intestines as we finished "my" shopping. For my part, I tried not to breathe too much and always stayed upwind of the "draft."

As we loaded the booty into the car, he looked at me seriously, for once.

"E, just tell her. That girl is perfect for you, and you know it. She seems strong, too. I don't think she's the type to run away." His tone was serious and urgent, letting me know that I could take what he said at face value and not look for one of his perpetual jokes somewhere in that statement.

"I don't know, Emmett," I stalled.

"Pussy."

I flipped him off, muttering "Lay off, Emmett." He shook his head at me, packing the grocery sacks away in my trunk according to his special "system." I didn't even ask. He'd only respond with some shit about the proper arrangement of heavy items around the loose bags, so nothing rolled around in the back. God forbid the milk slid out of place and smashed his pop-tarts and powdered sugar doughnuts.

I repeatedly raked my hands through my hair, giving away my anxiety with every fidgety move I made.

"Shit!" I burst out, startling a young woman walking past us. "Sorry," I mumbled sheepishly as she gave us a dirty look. I was so frustrated from this entire day. My internal filter had turned the sign over, the one that read: '_Sorry, we're closed – come back soon!_'

"Edward, just go with your gut. That's all you can do. It's what I did with Rose, and look at where it got me." God, he sounded so fucking reasonable. I wanted to kick him in the shin like I used to when I was a scrawny teenager. I raised an eyebrow at him, pointing to all the contraband currently sitting in my trunk. Emmett held up his hands and backed away from the car. "Hey, E, I'm just trying to help out. No need to threaten me." I'd admit it, Rose scared me sometimes. But if anyone could handle Rose, it was Emmett.

_Bella's certainly proved that she can handle me. In more ways than one… _

Jesus Christ, I couldn't even think about her for five minutes without my brain going gutter-diving. I slammed the trunk shut with more force than necessary. The bottom line was this: I wanted Bella in my life more than anything, and to keep her there, I'd try everything.

Including laying my feelings out there for her to embrace…or reject.

I had a feeling that we'd both been walking the same fine line, dancing around what we truly felt for one another. So far, neither of us had gathered the courage to admit it. I'd never had a problem with reaching for what I wanted professionally, but Bella had taught me that I had the _right_ to reach for what I _needed_ personally, no matter what had occurred in my past.

What I needed was her. Forever.

***

Of course, Emmett didn't stick around to help me put away the junk food he'd forced me to buy. The chore sucked even more than usual because I kept remembering doing this exact same activity with Bella this afternoon.

What the fuck was I going to do? I needed to make it up to her somehow. I hated the idea of some grand fucking gesture, but it looked like that was what was called for in this situation. I wanted to walk right into that damn restaurant and stalk her at the bar; make her come and talk to me because I was technically a customer and she couldn't ignore me or kick me out.

I pictured it in my mind…

_She looked at me with those sad eyes as she completed orders for the waiting server. Sighing visibly, she wiped down the bar area in front of her before slapping down the damp towel and coming to stand in front of me. She grabbed a cocktail napkin and set it in front of me; I flinched as I saw it. _

"_What can I get for you, Edward?" she asked, her eyes fixed not on mine, but on the shiny walnut surface of the bar._

"_Talk to me, Bella, please." I said softly, grasping the hand that was fisted in front of her stomach. Her eyes met mine abruptly, and I could see the hurt shimmering in their depths for just a moment before they hardened. Her lips flattened into a hard line and she tried to disengage her hand from mine. I tightened my grip, holding her there in front of me._

"_Words just came out of my mouth. That IS the definition of speaking," she snapped, her eyes flaring with a spark of anger. _

_I knew she was mad at me, but…God help me if that look didn't go directly south. I wanted to throw her on top of the bar and show her exactly why her napkin didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. My brain, however, was still strong enough to overrule my dick._

"_You'd be correct," I said with a slight smile, one that I knew she loved. "But Bella, talk to me. How can I make this better?"_

"_I don't know, Edward." She blinked rapidly and took a deep breath. "I just need some space." She bit her lip and said nothing more. The sight of her lip caught between her teeth was like fucking Kryptonite to my brain. I stood up abruptly, leaning over the bar and pulling her to me with the hand I still gripped like it was my lifeline. She resisted at first, but I was relentless in my determination to show her just how much she meant to me._

"_I don't want 'space,'" I growled, my nose nearly touching hers. "I want _you_. I need you. And you don't need a napkin to be sure of that." I crushed my lips to hers, moving my hand from hers to cup the back of her neck as I planted my free hand on the bar for balance. Her lips were still for a moment before she responded fiercely, her mouth meshing with mine perfectly, as always._

_I nipped her lips roughly before filling her mouth with my tongue, not caring who witnessed our little display. Her hands fisted in the front of my scrub top, holding me as close to her as she could with the large expanse of the bar between us. I was just beginning to think of ways I could drag her off to _really_ show her how I felt when she stiffened and yanked her lips from mine._

"_I can't, Edward. Please…" she pleaded, covering her face with her tiny hands and turning away. She disappeared into the stockroom behind the bar and didn't return. I was still leaning over the bar, my hand clenched on the smooth surface. I looked down and noticed the unused cocktail napkin crushed between my fingers._

Jesus Christ. I couldn't even get things right in my own fantasies! Fuck!

I threw myself onto the couch and heaved a sigh, turning on the television to try and drown out my morose thoughts. It didn't work. Even watching TV reminded me of Bella.

Damn it, _everything_ reminded me of Bella.

She was my life; rather, she was what made my life _happy_. And I'd be damned if I'd let her go. I thought back to my little fantasy again, the last image standing out in my mind – the unused napkin clenched in my fingers.

I smiled slowly as an idea began to form. I knew what I was going to do.

_I just hope it works. Otherwise, I might have to try my first idea and drag her off to a dark corner of the restaurant like a caveman._

***

I clenched my fingers on the steering wheel before I turned the key, shutting off the engine. It was almost closing time, so I knew I had just enough time to get in there and fix the shit pile I'd created this afternoon. I just hoped this wouldn't be the hat trick of stupid Edward decisions today.

I was tired, still wearing the scrubs I'd had on for the last thirty-six hours, and likely looked like I'd been awake for the last week. I didn't care. There was only one person in that building whose opinion mattered. I patted the front pocket of the scrub top to make sure my pen was still there. Satisfied that I was prepared, I exited the car and went inside.

No one was at the bar as I approached. I took a seat, trying to listen for voices, but the lively music playing throughout the restaurant prevented me from hearing anything. I sighed and planted my elbows on the bar, resting my chin in my hands. I knew it was rude and Esme would have given me grief about it, but I was dead tired, dejected, and sad. I felt incomplete knowing Bella was displeased with me, and making sure she forgave me seemed like the most pivotal objective in my life.

I looked up as I spotted movement out of the corner of my eye. My shoulders slumped when I realized it wasn't Bella, but her friend Angela who came up to me. She placed a napkin in front of me, eerily reminiscent of my imaginings, while she smiled sympathetically at me.

"Can I get you a Coke? You look like you could use a little caffeine," she offered. I laughed weakly and nodded.

"I could. It's been a rough day," I feebly joked. A brief craving for something a little stronger than caffeine hit me for a moment. I discounted the thought almost as soon as it formed. It wasn't worth it. I had Bella – hopefully – and she was all I needed.

"You look worse than Bella does." She didn't look at me as she filled the glass and set it on the napkin in front of me.

"How is she?" I tried to keep the pathetic pleading tone from my voice, but I didn't think I succeeded.

"Pissed off," Angela responded, her lips curving in a sly smile. I sighed and dropped my forehead into my hands, but what she said next gave me hope. "But I think she's angrier at herself than she is at you."

"Do you think she'd come and talk to me?"

"I'm not sure, Edward. I think she's pretty embarrassed and sad," she said sympathetically, as I gulped down half the Coke. "Just give her a tiny bit of time. I know she'll come around." She patted my hand and went to prepare some drinks for a server that had come up to the pass.

As I finished the soda, I thought about the first night we met, and how important that memento had been to her. I wanted to give some of that back to her; even if I couldn't reproduce the original, I could still imitate some of the circumstances. I grabbed the napkin and pulled out my pen. As I was writing, I caught Angela's eye and she winked at me, giving me a brilliant smile.

I wanted to pour out all my thoughts on that one tiny napkin, but that would have been even worse than blurting out "I love you" during sex. So I kept it simple, yet I was confident that Bella would have no doubt what I meant. After I finished, I stood up, reaching for my wallet. Angela came over and scowled at me, shaking her head.

"On the house," she said firmly. "It's just a Coke. You'd be appalled if you knew the markup percentage."

"Okay," I said, holding up my hands as I backed away. I looked toward the supply room one last time, knowing she was in there…so close, yet so far away. I had to have faith.

The ball was in her court now, just as it had been that first night.

***

The next hour stretched on for what seemed like days. After leaving the steakhouse, I let myself into my dark, empty loft and flipped on the lights. Tanya greeted me with a happy meow, and I tried to distract myself by petting her.

It didn't work.

I felt a tiny bit better when Renesmee trundled her way over to me and began to climb up my leg.

"How are you doing, Ness?" I half-sang to her as I detached her little claws from my pants. Ness was such a better name than the full version that Bella had chosen, but I still hadn't informed her that I'd made my choice of nicknames. I needed a convincing argument. Until then, I'd continue to call her Ness in private and Renesmee when Bella was present.

I rubbed my jaw across the top of her head, her soft fur calming me just a little bit. She still reminded me of Bella, though: the way she held the kitten up to her neck and kissed her silky fur, the adorable sight of them frozen in slumber, Ness's little body draped over Bella's neck.

I listened to the loud rumble of the little cat's purring as I flipped more lights on, Tanya following close behind me as she howled for food. I wondered how many other lofts in this building had been sucked in by her little racket. I was beginning to think she had kittens deposited in every unit and was being fed at every single one of them.

Ness was still small enough to fit in the front pocket of my scrubs, so that's where I stashed her while I got a plate of Meow Mix for Tanya. Like the narcoleptic kitten she was, she passed out quickly. I set the plate of food next to the cat blanket, carefully depositing Ness in the center of the soft cotton. I made sure that the plate wasn't too close to the kitten, lest Tanya mistake her for food and eat her before I left quickly; not wanting to witness the decimation of innocent cat food.

I wandered to my bedroom, trying not to wonder if Bella would come to visit me tonight. Deciding a nice, hot shower would take up some time, I stripped off my scrubs and shoved them into the nearly overflowing hamper in the bathroom. I waited until the steam filled the shower before stepping in. The wonderful sensation of hot water streaming down my body sent gooseflesh erupting over my back and arms, and I sighed in relief as I leaned back to wet my hair.

I made quick work of my shower, turning the water to cold when I began to remember what I'd done to Bella against those very tiles. I needed release, but rubbing one out in the shower didn't quite seem satisfying at the moment. I wanted Bella; not just to fuck her, but to make love to her. I sent up a quick prayer that she'd come to me tonight. Not just because I needed her physically, but because I needed _her_. Period.

When I finished, I dressed in the squirrel-printed boxers she'd given me, unable to contain my laughter as I slipped them on, covering them with a pair of soft track pants. God, I loved her sense of humor.

Fuck, who was I kidding? I loved everything about that woman. She kept me in line, made me feel worthy of her affections, and could make me laugh more easily than Emmett could. Speaking of Emmett, as he would say, it was time to shit or get off the pot. I was going to tell her how I felt about her tonight; no more worrying about the possible repercussions. I trusted her…with everything.

I'd had enough of my subconscious telling me I wasn't good enough for her. I knew she wanted me and that was all that mattered. Lord knows I wanted her, forever. I wanted the whole thing with her: the house in the suburbs, the Labrador retriever and the two point five kids. I wanted her in my bed every single night, submitting to me in that beautiful way she always did. I wanted to submit to her; have her take control of my body just as she had taken control of my heart. She was an addiction I had no desire to cure, because what we had together was so perfect and pure, so nurturing, and just fucking _complete_.

I sat on the couch, doing nothing but staring out at the Seattle skyline that spread for miles outside my windows. It was beautiful, but it meant nothing if Bella wasn't there to share it with me.

The clock on the DVR read 12:01 a.m. Great. It was now my birthday and I was more miserable than ever, just from knowing how I'd royally fucked up my relationship with the greatest, most down to earth woman I'd ever met. I knew Bella would be making it home just about now; so I swallowed my pitiful indecision and decided to send her a text. Hoping to remind her of the beginning of our relationship, I sent her the picture of my hair and eyes I'd saved, just to make her laugh.

"_I always feel like somebody's watching me…"_ I laughed as I thought of that stupid Geico commercial, with the stack of money topped with googly eyes that never failed to make us laugh and sing along. I pressed send and set the phone down next to me, trying not to stare at it until she sent a response. Unable to resist, I grabbed the phone again and sent another quick message. To my surprise, I thought I heard the faint chime of Bella's text ring just outside my door.

_Have I finally gone fucking nuts? Could she really be just on the other side of that flimsy piece of wood?_

Running to the door, I threw it open with more force than necessary, the knob denting the drywall as it bounced off the soft gypsum board.

Fucking angels sang and a halo shone from above the crown of her head as she looked at me in unsure surprise.

"I'd know that text chime anywhere," I murmured, clenching my fists to keep from yanking her into my arms and pulling her into the loft. I wanted to find the first flat surface in the living space and fuck the shit out of her all over it. In fact, the floor right in the foyer would work, but first I had to drag her inside. I'd satisfy her so well that she'd have no doubt how much I worshipped her.

Of course, I remained exactly where I was, because I was a damned idiot. She stared, her eyes seeming to devour the sight of me, yet she still made no move to come closer. I rocked back on my heels and raked a hand through my hair, smiling nervously. I knew the second she spotted the boxers. She gave herself away with the soft giggle that escaped her lips. When she finished admiring the rodents that graced my underwear, her eyes met mine timidly as she wrung her hands in front of her.

"Happy birthday," she said quietly, her eyes dipping toward the floor for a second, her teeth nibbling at her bottom lip.

* * *

_Holy shit, I'm mean, aren't I?_

_Don't worry, there is one more installment. It's already written. Hopefully these two peeks into the brain of Edward will tide you over until I can finish the next chapter of WiP._

_Thanks again to rms33 for letting me share this with you all._


	3. Chapter 3 Part Deux

_**For rms33, who was kind enough to bid for my skillz during the Support Stacie Auction. Thank you so, so much. I'm happy we could do something for such a wonderful cause. **_

_**Thanks, as usual, to my girls EchoesOfTwilight and AmeryMarie for pre-reading and cattle-prodding.**_

_**I don't own Twilight, but I do own the Girls, The Precious, and a very cheesy characterization of E. **_

_**Here you go, guys. I meant to have it up yesterday, but... yeah. I'm lazy sometimes.**_

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* * *

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**Chapter 21, EPOV: Part Deux**

_"Happy birthday," she said quietly, her eyes dipping toward the floor for a second, her teeth nibbling at her bottom lip._

"Thanks." Unable to take the short distance between us anymore, I took her hands and pulled her into my chest, my arms curving around her. She leaned into me, pressing her face right against my skin. I wondered if she could feel the way my heart threatened to burst out of my ribcage at the feeling of her in my arms again. She held me tightly about the waist, squeezing with more strength than I expected from her little arms. I smiled into the empty hallway, because I knew we would be okay. And I was going to tell her, tonight, no matter what.

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch." Her words were muffled against my chest, but I heard them clearly. _God, she doesn't think I would think such a thing about her, does she? _I would never be that disrespectful to the woman I love. She might be cranky and a little snarky sometimes – well, a lot snarky, all the time – but those were just a couple of the reasons I loved her. _Wait…not the crankiness. That I can do without._ But I accepted it all the same, because I knew I had my own little issues that she dealt with perfectly.

"Bella, I you're not a bitch. I would _never_ say that about you," I said earnestly. "I'm sorry for being such a clueless guy." I laid my cheek on top of her soft hair, surrounding her completely with my body, trying to physically reinforce what I felt for her. I couldn't resist moving my hands up and down her back in small strokes as we stood there, just absorbing the feel of one another. After a few moments, I backed away, pulling her into the loft and shutting the door.

She wouldn't look at me as she hung her bag in the foyer, tension apparent in her small frame. Taking her hand, I led her to the couch. It was a struggle. My feet wanted to keep going right past the living room and straight to my bed. I knew the perfect way to relieve her tension…

_Shit. Now is the time to use your _brain_, Edward. Not your genitals._

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_ _Did I just use the word "genitals" in my internal monologue?_

I tried not to smile as Tanya hissed at Bella when we passed. I lost the battle when I saw the ferocious look on Bella's face. If she could shoot laser beams from her eyes, Tanya would have been a black, oily stain on the blanket. They eyed each other warily as Tanya got up and stretched slowly, her bulk reminding me of a poorly packed sausage link. My smile stretched into a full-on grin as the huge cat passed; Bella threw herself onto the couch, hurling both her shoes at the cat, completely missing her, as usual.

I couldn't help but chuckle as I went to let Tanya out, rolling my eyes as she weaved back and forth between my feet at the door. When Bella's nemesis was safely ensconced in the moon garden, I practically ran back down the steps to my loft, unable to wipe the grin off my face. I had to restrain myself from running to the couch and shoving her down into the soft cushions so I could show her exactly how glad I was that she'd come to see me tonight.

"I don't know why you think that's so funny." God, she was so cute when she was grouchy. Her arms were crossed over her chest, pushing up her breasts and giving me just a glimpse of cleavage I wanted to bury my face into… "That cat would cheerfully murder me in the most painful way if she had opposable thumbs," she said, trying to suppress a shudder.

_Opposable thumbs? Shit, she's so fucking smart…how in the hell did I find someone so perfect?_

Trying to appear nonchalant, I sat down heavily and hooked my arm around her shoulders. I couldn't resist the impulse to press my lips to the soft skin of her temple.

_God, she smells so fucking good…_

"She doesn't like you because she knows she's not my number one girl," I murmured, grazing her ear with my lips as I tightened my arm around her, making sure there wasn't even an inch of empty space between us.

You're _my number one girl, and you always will be._

"You said 'opposable thumbs,'" I whispered against her ear, licking my lips and pressing them just behind her earlobe as I threaded my hand through her hair, gently removing the elastic band that held it back. As I shook out the thick mass of waves, more of her sweet, feminine scent assaulted my senses. All thoughts of our "discussion" were gone from my mind. "You know what scientific terms coming from those lips do to me."

I brought my other hand to her waist, kneading her supple, slight curves as I breathed against her neck, trailing my lips slowly downward. I nibbled and kissed, tasting the elegant line of her throat, her flesh salty-sweet and just…perfect. I licked a hot trail up her neck and bit at her earlobe. She sighed and began to relax against me, but suddenly she leaned away and put her hand over my mouth for a moment before she spoke. I playfully licked between her fingers and she pulled her hand away. I dove back down to nuzzle her neck.

"Edward," she breathed, sounding just as dazed and aroused as I felt, "I, ah… As much as I'd like to finish this later, don't you think we should talk about what happened this afternoon?" I froze, barely managing to detach my lips from her soft skin. Her voice was shaky and unsure; I took satisfaction in the fact that she wasn't unaffected by my attempts to convince her that a good fucking was all it would take to fix the problem.

Sighing heavily, I scrubbed my face roughly and dug my fingers into my hair. I knew I needed to apologize, and seducing her to avoid talking about our argument was not the right thing to do.

My brain was impressed with her restraint, but my dick was beyond pissed. The fucker didn't know the meaning of patience.

"I know, Bella. I'm sorry. I never would have thrown it away if I'd known how special that was to you. I didn't think. I didn't even see the writing on it." She remained silent, and I swallowed hard before continuing. It was so important that she understood how much I cared about her. When I'd found out that she'd kept that napkin…I was amazed that she'd even think to classify something like that, something from _me_, special enough to keep forever. It was humbling, amazing, and perfect, like Bella herself. "That you would keep something like that, because it reminded you of us, it's just…it's really nice," I finished, not knowing what else to say. _Way to be smooth there, Cullen. Win her over with your spectacular wordy eloquence._

She watched my eyes as she gently reached up and held my hand, removing it from my messy hair. It was warm and soft and fit mine perfectly as she rested them in my lap.

"I know you'd never do anything to intentionally hurt me. I think I owe you an even bigger apology for acting so horribly. I was embarrassed about keeping that napkin," she said, her voice thick with emotion. She dropped her gaze to our joined hands for a moment, stroking her thumb over the top of my hand as she seemed to gather her thoughts. Finally, she returned her eyes to mine, and I could see the fear and insecurity she tried so hard to hide. I wanted to ease her anxiety, comfort her…anything to take the sadness from her eyes. "I was afraid you'd think I was crazy or something, and then I went and acted even worse. I'm sorry."

"Bella," I burst out, trying to make her understand that it didn't matter, as long as we were together, we were fine, but she stopped me.

"No, let me finish, or I never will," she begged. I sighed, trying to release the tension from my shoulders. She was here, she was next to me, and she wasn't mad at me. Those things were the only facts I could focus on to keep myself from going insane, consumed with fears that she would take herself out of my life and never come back.

"Okay," I said, sifting my free hand through her soft, thick hair. "You know you can tell me anything. I may be clueless sometimes, and I know I'll never figure you out, but I'm not going to stop trying, ever. Just a fair warning." I'd gladly spend the rest of my life discovering all her cute little habits and thoughts. Every single part of her fascinated me; all her strange little quirks and quips, her quick wit and intelligence, and her fresh, captivating beauty. I continued my lazy strokes through her hair, pinning her in place with my eyes, and I wondered how much she could read in my gaze. Would it frighten her to know the depth of what I felt for her? It was a risk I had to take. I needed to tell her, and she needed to know.

"Sometimes I can't believe my luck. I know you always say you're not perfect, but to me, you pretty much are. I'm afraid I'll wake up one day and it will be just a dream, like you never existed. The pull you have over me, over _everyone_, with that damn 'tractor beam,' it scares me a little." She fell silent, licking her beautiful pink lips. That simple action took over my mind and my body. My rational side wanted to ease her nervousness, yet my more base nature wanted nothing more than to see those lips and tongue wrapped around my dick. Ignoring the porno reel that played in my head for the millionth time, I smiled reassuringly, encouraging her to finish.

"I guess I'm afraid you're going to wake up one day and realize you could do a lot better than a floundering bartender with a graduate degree," she whispered, looking embarrassed and insecure as she shifted nervously on the couch, the leather creaking softly as she moved.

"Bella," I said, lacing my voice with everything I felt for her in that moment, "Stop worrying so much. You've got me. I'm not going anywhere." _Ever. I love you._

"But you're so freaking…ugh, you're so damn dazzling. You could dazzle your way into the Queen Mother's granny panties if you wanted," she added, her eyes widening in shock at the words that tumbled from her lips. I couldn't resist laughing heartily as I yanked her closer to me. As far as I was concerned, she could never be close enough, even if every inch of her bare skin was pressed to mine. I wanted to sink into her until we became one person, a complete, functioning unit, each of us complementing the other until there was no separation between the two of us.

I held her head in my hand, keeping her eyes trained on mine.

"_You_ dazzle _me_, Bella." I breathed. No words I'd ever spoken had held so much truth. "And for the record, with all due respect, I do not want to be anywhere _near_ the Queen Mother's granny panties. The only granny panties I want into are yours." I finished the sentence with a sly smile, picturing sliding my fingers just under the elastic of her plain, white bikini briefs, anticipating her reaction to my touch. Her soft, flat stomach would quiver and her breathing would quicken. Her hips would rise to meet my fingers as I teased her hot, wet, secret skin…

"I don't wear granny panties!" she snapped, her voice a little high pitched and loud. _Ooops. Way to offend her, Cullen. That's what I get when the filter isn't working (because I'm too busy fantasizing about __touching her)… Shit! Think fast. _I turned on my Smirky McSmuggerson look and leaned a bit closer to her face.

"Yes, Bella, you do. I get into them often enough." I could see she wasn't quite moved by my bedroom eyes and smirk, so I added a wink to the mix. I knew my woman, and she liked her Dr. Precious with extra cheese. _Shit. Did I just refer to myself as Dr. Precious? She's officially driven me crazy – and I have _got _to figure out what that means…_

Thank God, the wink worked every time. She rolled her eyes and smiled back; instantly bringing me back to sanity with her earthen brown eyes and the sweet curve of her lips. She worried about my 'tractor beam,' but she drew me in just as easily. All it took to bring me running to her was a look, a smile, a soft touch, or even a fucking whiff of her incredible scent.

"I think you're underestimating the effect of your own 'tractor beam,'" I told her. It was true. I'd happily spend the rest of my life stuck to her side. "I think our 'tractor beams' attract each other."

"But wouldn't that be like 'crossing the streams,' Egon?" I stifled my laughter, shaking my head. Here I was, trying to tell the woman I loved her, and she starts quoting _Ghostbusters?_

Jesus Christ, every time I thought there couldn't be any more reasons why she was perfect for me, she came up with something else. I went with it, playing along with her little game. I loved teasing her; the reactions were always so very gratifying…in more ways than one.

I put on my serious face and asked, "Bella, don't you remember what happened when they crossed the streams?"

"Yeah, it blew up a really creepy temple on top of a fifty-story apartment building!" she burst out.

I couldn't help but laugh. I told her she'd ruined my amazing, cheesy romantic line. When I saw her eyes light up at the thought, I held out just a little bit longer at her begging. I couldn't believe she fell for all my corny shit, but boy, was I thankful for it.

"Nope, the moment is gone," I sighed, while giving her my best pout. She asked me again, and it appeared The Pout wasn't working on her. I noticed the subtle change in her eyes that told me she was up to something. I sat back and waited, because Bella's attempts to convince me to do anything were really fucking worth it.

She linked her little hands behind my neck and leaned closer, her lips parted and shiny. I couldn't tear my eyes away from them as my inner porno reel began to gather information for future performances. I had to swallow back a groan when she bit the inside of her lip, and I lost it when she dug her fingers into my hair, lightly scratching my skin. Heat blasted through me as every _Arrector pili_ muscle in my body stood at attention.

_I'm a doctor. I can't help my preference for scientific terms. It sounds so much more intelligent than "I got goose bumps."_

This woman was my fucking Kryptonite. All it took was one glance, one simple touch or smile, and I was down for the count faster than King Hippo after a gut-punch in _Mike Tyson's_ _Punch-Out_.

"Crossing the streams also generated enough heat to melt a one-hundred foot marshmallow man," I blurted out. Damn it! I meant to hold out longer… but I'd never be immune to her damn sex fairy magic.

_Sex fairy ma__gic? Cullen, you are fucking insane!_

"That's got to top anything else you've ever said," she said between giggles. I grinned and pulled her into my lap, enjoying the slight weight of her across my thighs. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her lips.

Leaning in toward her, I whispered, "You think so?" She nodded, her nose brushing mine as I came even closer. "Really?" My voice was barely audible as I tilted my head to the side. Her eyelids fluttered shut and she leaned closer to me, slowly, meeting me in the middle.

"Uh-huh," she sighed, just before I pressed my lips to hers. My fingers spanned her back and I pulled her fully against my chest, eager to touch any part of her I could reach. Her heart pounded; it echoed mine, pressed together as tightly as we were. Our lips meshed effortlessly, the kiss perfect in its innocence. I took a deep breath as I pulled away, my hands moving in wide sweeps on her back. Her eyes opened, shining with the deep, rich color that reminded me of the foundation of nature, life-giving and nurturing, just like Bella.

I wasn't going to procrastinate anymore.

"Bella, I love you." It was simple, it was honest, and it was true. There would never be another for me. Her breath hitched on a little gasp as she blinked, her eyes growing wet with unshed tears. Not sure if those were good tears, I barreled ahead. "I don't care if the 'tractor beam' works on anyone else, even if it does." _Fuck! I just used air quotes!_ "The only one I want to reel in is you," I finished, resting my hands at her sides, slowly sweeping my thumbs over the crisp cotton of her dress shirt. She was still silent, her beautiful eyes brimming with tears; I began to grow worried.

_Was it too soon? Did I fuck this up again? Shit, Bella, say_ something…

"I love you too, Edward," she breathed, blinking rapidly, sending fat tears rolling down her cheeks. "I've loved you for a while now." I released a pent-up breath and sucked in another one, my lungs squeezing tightly as my heart pounded even faster. My hands came to her face of their own accord, gently wiping the tears from her face as my body relaxed; fluidity seeping through my muscles. I closed my eyes and concentrated of the feel of my love in my lap, the warm softness of her cheeks, and the incredible combination of flowers and fruit that made me want to put my mouth all over her and never let her go.

She loved me, and I deserved her love. I deserved _her_, because she made me whole.

"Bella, you make me want to be a better man. And when I'm with you, you make me _feel_ like a better man," I said, my voice cracking. Wiping more tears from her cheeks, I continued, "I feel more and more whole the more time I spend with you. You're funny, intelligent, loyal, beautiful, and so many other great things; I can't name them all."

She tried to respond, but I wasn't done. I needed her to know how I felt and how much she'd consumed me, yet empowered me to stand on my own as a man…as someone of worth who deserved her love. I held my thumb over her soft lips as she drew a breath to speak, marveling at the softness of her skin, though I must have touched it hundreds of times. Every time was just as powerful as the first.

"One more thing: I've loved you from the very beginning, I think." I paused and licked my lips, taking a fortifying breath before I continued. "I didn't realize how much I was missing before I met you. I thought I was happy; I had my career, and I had a supportive family. But I never felt _alive_…or so fucking _goofy_, until I met you," I finished with a quiet laugh.

She was silent, yet it wasn't uncomfortable. I could almost see every thought in her eyes, and I knew that she felt the same way about me. I swept my thumb over her lip and across her cheek, bringing up my other hand to bury them both in her hair as I watched her. We didn't need words to convey the truth.

"Edward, you are a good man. Nobody's perfect. But you're perfect for _me_. I love you," she vowed, her deep brown eyes drawing me in and warming me from the inside out.

Closing my eyes against the intense waves that crashed over me, I whispered, "I don't think you'll ever realize just how perfect you are for _me_."

I was surprised to feel her soft, silky lips pressed to mine, so warm and gentle and filled with things I couldn't describe in my rational brain. I increased the pressure of the kiss, our lips shifting and sliding together merely for the sensation of being truly connected: no pretenses, goals or expectations, just the feeling of giving ourselves over to one another.

She laid her head on my shoulder when we parted, giving me her whole weight and completely relaxing against me. I moved my hand in slow circles on her back and rested my cheek on the crown of her head, inhaling deeply to savor the innocent yet sensual fragrance that was Bella's alone. I could have remained there forever with her in my arms, pliant and trusting and completely mine.

My eyes roamed the loft, and everything seemed so _right_ with her here, with me. She belonged here. I could picture her cooking in my kitchen, writing on her laptop on my little desk in the corner…in my bed, spread out and waiting for me _every fucking night_…

Then my eyes fell upon the sleeping kitten near the fireplace. One corner of my mouth quirked up as I remembered Bella's insistence that we were the cat's parents. Most likely, Tanya wasn't coming back before morning, so I knew we should try to make sure Ness ate.

All it took was the mention of our "baby's" name to get Bella alert and moving. I was amused, yet insulted at the same time. I could barely keep my eyes off her as we prepared food for Ness, and I found myself shadowing her most of the time, my body too close to hers to seem like it was unintentional.

Because, of course, it wasn't. I just didn't want her to be too far away from me to touch. I teased her while demonstrating how to open a tuna can without causing bodily injury, to which she gave me a very dirty look.

_Don't worry, Bella_, I thought to myself. _I'll make you forget all about my penchant for teasing you… In fact, I plan to ensure that you have trouble remembering your own name._

As we both watched Ness eat (in disgust, I might add – she definitely took after Tanya in that department), I stood behind her as closely as I could get. My chin rested on her shoulder and I held her hips in a firm grip.

Bella looked at the little kitten like a stage mother whose daughter had just placed runner-up in one of those pedophile-attracting child beauty pageants. I bit my lip and held in my amusement, content to observe her quirky behavior. It was, after all, one of the reasons I loved her. With Bella, there was always a surprise involved.

She must have disregarded my warning to leave Ness alone until she forgot about the tuna. At the sound of Bella's signature cry of _holy crap,_ I dropped the plate in the sink and whirled around to find the cat attached to Bella's finger like a fucking tick starving for its next meal.

I full-out laughed at her. I couldn't help it. Running my hand through my hair, I knelt next to her as she got Ness to let go of her finger and carefully placed her on the blanket. "I told you so" was out of my mouth before I could think better of it. The bite wasn't serious, but Ness's sharp teeth had broken the skin. Bella stuck out her tongue at me in a childish gesture, but all I wanted to do was pull her face to mine and put that tongue to better use.

I managed to keep my mouth shut as I led her to my bathroom and got out the first-aid kit. She babbled, as she always did when she was nervous. I loved taking care of her, not only because I didn't normally get the chance to patch up normal cuts and scrapes due to the specialty of medicine I'd chosen, but because it was _Bella_ I was healing. There was something about cleansing her wounds, washing away the blood that leaked from her skin that made me feel all-powerful. I felt like I could fix everything, could _be_ everything, for her.

It was everything I'd ever wanted but never realized, until I'd met her.

I utilized my calm, reassuring bedside manner skills, but since it was Bella, I felt comfortable in being more humorous and suggestive than I ever would have been with a true patient. I didn't want her nervous and hurting; I wanted her relaxed and pliant and moaning my name as I held her in my arms…

"All done," I said softly, watching her eyes as they moved from her finger to my face and back again. I stood and stretched, unable to hold back a yawn as I helped her down from the countertop. She yawned in response to mine and gave me a saucy look, poking me in the bellybutton before she made a break for my dresser. I just _knew_ she was looking to steal another one of my tee-shirts.

I only pretended to be mad when she stole my concert tees. In reality, I got a massive hard-on every time I saw her in one of my shirts. I wanted to bend her over the dresser, with one hand full of my shirt and the other full of her hair, my dick buried deep inside her.

I caught her with one of my favorites, but it wasn't the one I wanted to see her in most. Pleading with her to put the shirt back, I leaned closer, smiling when I heard her take a deep breath. She froze, her eyes becoming heavy-lidded, and I swiped the shirt from her paralyzed hands. Tossing the tee back into the drawer, I quickly rifled for the one I wanted to see on her. Sure, it was clichéd, but I wanted to see her in a shirt with my name plastered across the back. If that made me a fucking caveman, I'd gladly accept the moniker. I'd also gladly toss her over my shoulder and throw her on the bed before I fucked the ability to speak out of her.

_Whoa there, Cullen. Don't get ahead of yourself. That mouth of hers is one of the reasons you love her_.

I placed the new shirt in her hands and went to work on the buttons of her simple fitted shirt. My eyes never left hers as my fingers revealed her smooth skin, inch by inch. Leaning closer, I whispered my desire to keep her naked, pushing the shirt off her shoulders, smiling when I heard the tee-shirt hit the floor along with her top.

"Say it again," she whispered as I closed my arms around her bare back and pulled her closer, barely holding back a groan as I spread my hands over her silken skin. But no matter how aroused I was, I couldn't help teasing her. I once again told her that she wouldn't be wearing anything for quite some time, nipping at her earlobe as she stiffened.

"Not what you meant?" I murmured smugly, dragging my lips down her neck and licking the spot where her neck met her shoulder. My hands bracketed her waist, itching to delve lower and release the catch to her plain black pants.

"No," she half laughed, half moaned, while I deftly unfastened her pants and slid them off her hips, dragging her panties with them. My mouth watered at the sight of her standing before me in nothing but the scrap of lace she called a bra. I couldn't let my hands leave her soft skin; I was addicted to her smooth, warm, blushing flesh. Her eyes took on that far away look of pleasure before her eyelids slid shut, locking me out of the soul I could see in her dark, rich irises.

I was mesmerized by her face, by the glimpse of her pink tongue as she wet her dry lips and sucked in a huge breath. I couldn't wait any longer to taste her, so I leaned in and closed my mouth over hers, sweeping my tongue inside greedily. Her hands came up to rest against my bare chest and I moaned in pleasure, the sound muffled by her lips. Swept up in the emotions and sensations of the evening, I was less than gentle with her, nipping at her lips and sucking her tongue into my mouth as my hands roamed her back.

"I love you," I rasped as I led her to my bed, sitting gracelessly in front of her and burying my face in the swells of her breasts above her bra. She murmured something about the messy state of my sheets as I pushed the lace away from her breasts. Of _course my sheets are fucked up_, I thought briefly. _I can't sleep for shit without you…_

My hands roamed over her body, trailing lightly across her ribs and hipbones, teasing her before I brought my mouth torturously close to her nipple and questioned her about her shivering frame.

"Are you cold?"

"No," she choked out, breathing hard, as I cupped her perfect tits in my hands, molding them together and licking hot paths over her sweet, soft flesh. I nearly died when she straddled my lap and reached behind her back to release the catch of her bra, immediately returning her fingers to my hair.

She was bare before me, her sweet pink nipples ready for my mouth. I ran my teeth over one hard peak before sucking it into my mouth. I wasn't gentle; soft, slow lovemaking wasn't possible at this point. I needed her, needed to assure myself she was mine, so badly that I ached with it. I gripped her hips tightly, pulling her against me and grinding my erection against the wet heat between her legs.

I let my desires take hold of me. Suddenly Bella was spread underneath me as I ground my dick against her slit. I was on the verge of orgasm when I pulled away, unwilling to cum outside of her. Sitting back on my heels, I took myself in hand and stared at her, bare and complete honesty in my eyes as I told her how I'd wished she was mine from the very beginning. Her small hand wrapped around mine, stilling my movements.

"I _was_ yours. I _am_ yours. I love you," she vowed, wrapping her legs around my hips.

I leaned forward and hovered over her, my lips grazing hers as I claimed her with my words and my body. "I belong to you, Bella. Only you," I whispered, pushing forward and joining us, our physical forms once again enmeshing until neither of us could separate one from the other.

That was simply the way of things when we were together. We functioned as a unit better than either of us had dreamed of on our own, and I knew I could never live without that feeling.

***

I lay atop Bella, panting and sweating, yet completely unable to move. I could have died in that very position as a very happy man. Nothing sounded better to me than lying there with Bella, covering her, _inside_ her, all night long. I'd be the happiest man on earth if only we could have stayed there, in my bed, entwined like a Gordian knot for the rest of our lives.

Unfortunately, Mother Nature had other ideas, and if I wanted to keep the sheets comfortable and clean for sleeping, I had to visit the bathroom.

"Fuck!" I shouted as I tripped over my pants when I tried to get off the bed. Barely catching myself with my palms planted firmly on the floor, I narrowly missed smashing my nose straight into my brain. _Thank fucking God for those stupid Perfect Push-up things Emmett forced on me last Christmas…_

"Edward!" Bella shouted – and I knew she was laughing at me on the inside, sarcastic little clown that she was – scrambled down off the bed and knelt at my side. "Are you okay?" she choked out, failing miserably at stifling her laughter once she'd realized I was likely fine.

"I'm good… but I believe my pride has fallen prey to a complete massacre this evening," I said wryly, flopping over onto my back. I cringed in response to the cold hardwood floor on my overheated skin.

"Awww, poor Edward," she cooed, exaggerating every syllable and lacing her voice with sugary sweetness. Even though I knew she was making fun of me, I still found it adorable. She was such a study in contrasts: sarcastic and acting like one of the guys one minute, but blushing shyly and easily dazed by me in another. I loved that about her – I was the only one able to penetrate her prickly, snarky exterior to see the sweet, shy woman underneath the veneer.

"Yes, I know, it's _so_ funny," I grumbled good-naturedly. She ran her hands over me quickly, biting her lip to hold back what I was sure would be cackling laughter if she let it free.

"It really is, Edward." She sat back on her haunches as she tugged on my pants and boxers so I could kick them off. Her face scrunched up in the cute expression she always wore when I knew she was thinking hard – probably trying to form some kind of insult specific to this situation. She grinned suddenly and let loose.

"Fuckhot boyfriend tells you he loves you? _Amazing_. Said boyfriend puts a band-aid on your boo-boo and then proceeds to give you the most amazing orgasms of your life? _Indescribable_," she continued. I arched a brow at her, wondering where she could possibly go with this. "Seeing the _very same_ gorgeous, graceful bastard tripping over his own pants in a post-orgasmic haze? _Priceless!"_ she finished, dissolving into giggles.

"You think you're so fucking funny, don't you?" I growled, pulling her on top of me. I closed my eyes at the light pressure of her entire body covering mine, my skin prickling all over as the ends of her hair tickled my shoulders.

"I _know_ I am." She was arrogant, saucy and beautiful, and I loved it. "Are you gonna deny it?" she asked confidently, sliding her arms under my shoulders and gripping my hair in her fists. She seemed to enjoy grabbing my hair. I didn't mind one fucking bit. It turned me on just as much as it apparently did for her.

"I wouldn't deny you anything," I replied, my voice rumbling in my chest. I sounded rougher than I intended, but I couldn't help it. She was pressed fully against me and I found myself responding to her proximity. Placing my hands at her shoulders, I spread them wide and traced lightly down her back until I reached the soft curve of her ass. I dug in, raising my hips against hers at the same time. I couldn't believe I was so fucking hard again, as if we hadn't shared the most amazing sex a little less than half an hour before.

That beautiful smile slowly disappeared from her face, but I wasn't disappointed. It was replaced with her intense, glittering stare, her eyes the color of the darkest French roast one could find in Seattle. She dropped her lips to mine and gave me her full weight, her legs splayed on either side of me. Tightening my grip on her silky skin, I widened my legs and bent my knees. My cock was trapped between us while she was spread open, hot and wet, against my balls.

Pulling my hair with more force, she held me where she wanted me, nipping my lips and taking control of the kiss with more fervor than she ever had before. Her hips rocked against me, creating the most pleasurable, yet painful friction. I needed to be inside her again so badly…I couldn't wait. Lifting her easily, I made sure my erection was lined up with her slit and thrust upward, forcing a breathy moan from her lips.

Skimming my hands from her hips to her breasts, I watched raptly as I palmed her flesh, then pinched her nipples while I thrust up into her as hard as I could. She was an active participant in our lovemaking, swiveling her hips to meet my every thrust; her heavy-lidded eyes meeting mine as she sat straight up over me, lifting her hands to cover mine on her breasts. She cried out as I moved inside her, her head dropping back in abandon, the silky ends of her hair tickling my thighs.

"Oh," she breathed, quickening her hips against mine as I began to fuck her harder. "Oh, shit, Edward!"

Her eyes squeezed shut at the same time she tightened around me, and I knew she was close. I brought one hand up to cup her jaw, pressing the pad of my thumb to her bottom lip. She sucked it in with no hesitation, causing me to groan – because I'd never seen anything more fucking erotic. Watching Bella suck on my thumb when I was buried inside her was incomparable, except for maybe watching her while she had her perfect lips wrapped around my dick.

Pulling my thumb from her mouth, I pressed it against her clit, the force of my thrusts moving her against me as I rubbed her in tiny circles, relentless in my pursuit of her pleasure. Soft moans fell from her lips as she pulsed and tightened around me, and I gritted my teeth to keep it together until she was finished.

"Fucking beautiful… again…fucking cum for me again," I growled, pinching her nipple as she screamed out her release.

"Fuck, Edward…aaaaahh!" she moaned, and I took a second to bask in the fact that I'd made her speechless.

I moved steadily through her climax, waiting until she was coming down before I let loose. She collapsed onto my chest and I gripped her hips, holding her exactly where I wanted as I drove into her, panting next to her ear. I lost it when she pressed her lips to my neck and sucked hard, her fingers digging into my shoulders.

I didn't even know what I shouted as I came inside her, the most intense orgasm of my life completely taking over my body and wiping my mind of all thoughts but the woman in my arms. All I knew was the scent of her hair and skin as I held her, my body paralyzed with pleasure and want.

I turned my head toward her neck, breathing hard and wrapping my arms around her back.

"God, I love you so much," I whispered. "So much."

"M'too," she slurred, her voice muffled between the floor and my shoulder, where her face was buried.

I laughed and squeezed her harder. "How articulate, Bella! Did I screw the snark out of you?"

"Ha," she mumbled. "As if that was possible." She raised her head just enough to meet my eyes and gave me a half-smile. "But I'd be willing to let you try."

"Perfect," I responded, sitting up while still holding her in my lap. "You know I can't resist a challenge." I covered her smiling mouth with mine, dragging my hands up her sides to tangle in her hair. It was a soft, gentle kiss; we teased each other with brief grazes of lips and gentle slides of tongue. Gradually, we slowed, ending it with one final, light press of my lips she rested her forehead against mine.

"I wonder if I'll be able to walk tomorrow," she mused, laughing quietly to herself.

"I'm not going to lie," I began, smirking even though she was too close to see it. "That would be so fucking hot." She smacked my shoulder halfheartedly, a laugh escaping on a short burst of breath.

"You'd enjoy my discomfort?" I could hear the smile in her voice, and it once again struck me how very lucky I was to have this woman in my life.

"Only in the sense that I know I've left you thoroughly satisfied…"

"You are so smug."

"But you love me," I murmured, tracing my finger down the slope of her nose.

"I do," she answered, her voice barely more than a whisper. "I do love you, more than words can express. It's too big for that." She planted her palm flat against my chest, feeling my heartbeat. I picked up her hand, kissing the center of her palm before placing it right back over my heart.

"I'm glad," I said, getting lost in her deep, dark eyes. "Because I'm yours." I didn't need to say anything else. I knew she understood.

We carefully disengaged from one another and walked hand in hand to the bathroom to get ready for bed. We remained close enough for light touches and intense stares, dissolving into laughter as we both brushed our teeth before returning to the soft refuge of the bed.

She sighed in relief as we snuggled into the warm covers, pressing her back against my chest. I enveloped her in my arms and buried my face in her silky hair, closing my eyes, simply lying there as her breaths evened and deepened. This was what I'd strived to stay awake for. She was so beautiful in sleep; her features relaxed and soft, radiant and peaceful, her cheeks flushed from slumber.

I shifted onto my elbow, peering past the shiny curtain of her hair as I lightly drew one fingertip down the smooth skin of her upper arm. She didn't stir; the only outward sign of awareness was a slight crease between her eyebrows.

I'd been exhausted before, but this evening's events had me wired. I took the time to memorize her face: every soft curve and sharp angle, the turn of her jaw and the fullness of her lips, the almond-shape of her deep, penetrating eyes; the smoothly defined slope of her cheeks and the elegant expanse of her neck. I was completely gone. I had no more questions.

_I knew._

I wanted to marry this woman. I wanted to give her children and cherish the family we could make together.

I simply watched her, content to remind myself that I would have this for the rest of my life, if only I tried.

"Precious…" she mumbled, her eyebrows furrowing even deeper. "No! No Dr. Hoo-Ha! Girls, I'm the boss…" she slurred. I grinned, stifling laughter at her latest crazy dream. Most people would find a sleep-talker annoying, but it was completely endearing for me; if only because it more than likely contained a reference of a sexual nature…regarding me.

"What goes on inside that brain of yours, Bella?" I whispered, watching the myriad of expressions that flitted across her delicate features. "I have to know what you're thinking…"

"Our Precious," she moaned. "No, cougar…bad…" My eyebrows raised and I bit back another laugh. She was silent for the next few minutes and her face relaxed. I couldn't resist tracing the warm, pink curve of her cheek before settling my head onto the pillow next to hers.

Brushing her hair away from her face, I tucked the smooth strands behind her ear. Her tongue peeked out to moisten her lips, but she didn't wake. She flopped over onto her stomach, revealing lots of smooth, bare skin and those two delicious dimples at the base of her back. Lightly skimming my fingers down her spine, I rested my hand in the soft curve of the small of her back and threw my leg over hers. She didn't speak anymore; I closed my eyes, letting myself be lulled to sleep by the soft rhythm of her breathing and the scent that had been more comforting than home for me since the first night I'd met her.

* * *

_Aww, aren't they just one giant ball of fluff? It's almost sickening, isn't it?_

_Does this satisfy your WiP fix? I'm 2K into the next chapter, so barring any blocks it should be coming soon._

_Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little peek into our Edward's head._

_I know I'm terrible at responding to reviews, but I truly appreciate every PM, review, alert or favorite that lands in my inbox. Thank you so much._

_Just a reminder: The Darkward Vampfic contest deadline has been extended until 11:59 p.m. CST October 31__st__. Visit __.net/~darkward__ for details. The link is also in my profile._


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